If things weren’t meant to be~ it’ll not be a happy ending~
actualli i can tink of a lot of reasons to break up with him..
1) not celebrating my bdae~ brought mi to a fishing pond to fish~ and its MY bdae~ well… i tot if he’s happy den y not~ so unhappines forgotten.
2)asked mi wat i wanted for bdae~ my bdae is in aug~ now is dec~ i havent even seen any of my bdae present ~!~!~
3) Always arranging his own schedule ~ and slotting mi into whichever available slot~ good!!!!!
4) Said i wanted to see fireworks on NYE, he juz called mi at the last min~ to tell mi that he’s gng for his company dinner~ and i had to find my own programs~ PLUS he’s gng to play mahjong on fri~ and so~…. i’m so HONOURED to have his last slot on SAT to go out~ AND tt is after his FISHING BUDDY session!!! GOOD!!!!!
5) After so long tgt~ he tells mi~ he wanna settle down after he finish fishing all the seas~!~!~ i’ve got god damn many years to wait eh!!!!
6)Telling mi his DECISION and not discussion~ tt he’s gng china to work~ the land of TEMPTRESS!!!! how u want mi to react normally~ hey all gals~ can u tell mi~ if u’re bf or husband is gg china to work~ will you say~ come i pay for the air tix and u board the next available flight and usher him through the boarding gate????!!?!?!?!
7)After wating for him through the whole night from 7pm all the way to 3am~ to tell mi that i’m to behave like a thief the next day~ juz becos he forgot~!~!~!~!~~ GREaT!!!
8)I said i wanted to go pet farm~ from god knows how many months ago till now ~ he said~ oK~ next time go~ till now~… i can go in wonderland~
9)I AM JUZ NOBODY TO HIM~!~!~ juz somebody to fill in the empty slots in his dayS~!~
10)Doesnt care abt my feeling~ unhappy juz dun talk~ if not juz say~ den wat u want~ best~!!!~ if u wanna discuss something with him~ juz forget it~ either u listen to wat he says~ or you juz dun say anything~ If not he’ll juz give the buay song looK and start driving arnd like mad~ or throwing his temper which is far worse den mine~ so i always choose to SHUT UP!!!!
11)Promised mi since last yr tt we’ll go taiwan for hols TGT in may2009. but den now he tells mi~ most likely cannot go already~ actualli is confirm cannot go! y make a promise wen u cannot fulfill it~ den how can i trust tt he can fulfill the most impt promise~ the wedding vow~
12)To cut my own sufferings and reduce my own tears~ at least i cry another mth or two~ life goes back to normal~ betta den i’m still with him wen he’s in china and i’ll have to cry every night~ not knowing wat he’s doing, who’s he’s with~ i can no longer trust~ not tt i dun want to~ but two veri bad cases can happen in sg~ many more can happen without my knowledge there~ I know love is blind~ but i cant turn tt blind~
13) I cant remember how we celebrated vdae this yr~ not bcos i had bad memory~ u guys know how good is my memory~ but its juz so ordinary~ tt i juz cant recall~ bcos he doesnt put in extra effort on vdae, nor anniversaries~ wen’s the last time i recieved flowers? veri long ago~ wen he’s in auz~ his reason~ flowers are ex on vdae~ which i agree… den how abt normal days??? his reason for giving flowers is onli wen he’s overseas~ he feels the need to give~ there’s no nid to give wen both pple are in sg~ hmm… good enuff reason for u guys?
14) His priorites in life is fishing, friends, family… den even i also have to stop and ponder~ do i even i have a slot in his priorities… I tink NO! bcos~ he hasnt any plans for our future~ its juz tt~ he feels i will ALWAYS be there~ so NO WORRIES lor! i juz do finish wateva i want~ turn back she’s there~ so iz there a nid to place mi into his priorities in life and make his life more worrysome~ NOPE!
15)I cant find anyone who says~ yeah~ u shld stay with him wen he goes china~ everyone tt i speak to asks~ wen he goes china~ wad happen to u? The answer is~ NOTHING! cos he is onli informing mi that he’s juz taking long leave from mi~ that’s all. My feelings is not in his point of consideration~ itz onli no FISHING dere! and how much potential income he’ll have~ how successful will his biz be~ and i’m NOT in the equation~ get it?
Tml is the last day of the year~ mayb i should choose to harden my heart~ dump the guy who’ll juz waste my time~ bcos i’m juz someone to fill in the empty slot of his life~
And 01/01/09 will be another new beginning~ another new life for mi~!~ happier~ lesser unhappiness~ and the best thing is ~ i’m free to plan for wat i want~ who i want to go out with~ where i want to go~ and dump that stupid useless emotional burden that brings mi nothing but tears!!!!!
Yesterday i was so sad~
i dunno wat happen again??? Did i piss him off again? he still ignoring mi.
Giving mi the cold shoulder again~ talk to him~ he either give mi one word answer… or reply mi harshly~
ask him is he angry with mi~ he say no~
but den go watch movies~ u got see couples sitting in the couple sit~ but each one sit at one end ? go up escalator~ one in front~ the other behind???
i have so many question marks in my mind~ but yet i cannot ask him~
later he say he got so many things to tink and focus~ i still go and bother him~
its juz so so tiring trying to maintain a relationship….
I came across this link given by my fren..
see the magic of photoshop… an old lady becomes a pretty model~
Wahaha~!~
I’ve completed my driving lessons… booked my test date already~ its gng to be on 25th aug~ morn~ 9.15 slot~ so i’m gng to stop lessons for the moment~ and go back for revision lessons in aug~
still so confused with parallel and vertical parking, so gng back on sat to refine it… cos daytime easier to practise parking …. i tried parking in the night time~ circuit too dark to see sighting point…
i cant wait for jul to come~ faster~ its supposed to be one of my best months of the year~ the tarot card reader say jul and aug~ i’ll be happiest~ apr and may was the worst~ the worst is over~ i’m looking forward to the best…. and my HK hols~… haha~
damn broke now~ but i’m still gng to go ahead with my hols~ been waiting so long for it le~ ….
Been busy working, learning driving and stuff~
spent a lot on booking lessons, abt 2.7K already~ betta pass my test at first try… if not i’ll be so demoralised…
a bit sad, bcos wen i tink of the uncertain road ahead… and i dun have faith in the person walking down that road… i dunno y am i still giving him the chance to hurt mi more…
yet i still keep decieving myself tt things MAY turn out well in future…
everyone is telling mi~ he’s selfish, protecting his own happiness.. leaving mi to suffer… part of mi hope that he’ll really keep to his word of half a yr… but den wat happens later is a qns mark…
everyone is telling mi to protect myself and not let him hurt mi again… i got to know things are not as simple as his parrents onli… there are also other temptations and sweet young things he’s being exposed to… how~ to wait half a yr and see wat he does before realli ending everything ? or to end everything now and juz carry on my life ?
Nice song, sad song…..
黄美珍-看清专辑:星光二班-大人气(预购抢听版)
我妈妈说我病了怎么在眉上有两个眼睛
随便跟着流行的步伐却怎么也看不清
我朋友说我病了而且还病得真的不轻
明明知道他不是你的却怎么也不死心
我想看清却越看越不清
我以为我已经到达天堂
却怎么还是失望
我想看清却越看越伤心
眼泪是种成长后的惩罚
还是珍贵的代价谁懂我的心
我朋友说我病了而且还病得真的不轻
明明知道他不是你的却怎么也不死心
我想看清却越看越不清
我以为我已经到达天堂
却怎么还是失望
我想看清却越看越伤心
眼泪是种成长后的惩罚
还是珍贵的代价谁懂我的心
总是有那么多的关口在等候
因为有那么多的理由在牵拖
总是有那么多的希望在寄托
要我不要忘了自己最初的梦
我想看清却越看越不清
我以为我已经到达天堂
却怎么还是失望
我想看清却越看越伤心
眼泪是种成长后的惩罚还是珍贵的代价
我想看清却越看越不清
我以为我已经到达天堂
却怎么还是失望
我想看清却越看越伤心
眼泪是种成长后的惩罚
还是珍贵的代价谁懂我的心谁懂我的心
my shoulders’ are aching like nobody’s biz… i nid a massage~ but i cant~ i already spent 1.3k on booking driving lessons up to the third week of june ~
I realli chiong to clock in finish my subjects so i can faster book my tp dates~ Every tues, thurs, sat, and sun i have driving lessons…. so if i dun answer ur calls~ u know i’m DRIVING~!~
sun~ so happily saw the 3pm slot~ i went to book tinking it’ll be the same instructor~ who knows i got quite a bad one~ how shld i say… he’s good as in~ he realli let mi drive INDEPENDANTLY~!~ except for the three lane right turn at the traffic light which he demo onli twice~ other den dat~ he juz sit there and chat while i drove round tt stupid route for TWO HOURS!!!!! wah lau ~ juz got the feeling that he dun wanna teach mi more things cos he’s lazy~!~ argh!!! waste my time to do two lessons at a time~ haiz~
I tink if Mr Chia, my first instructor’s shift is on the lessons i book i’ll get him as my fixed instructor~ he will teach mi more things~ and let mi pass faster~!~ and he will remind mi to chk blind spot lor~ the other instructor nvr say mi wen i forget to check~
i cant wait for lili to come and join mi at work~ got lunch buddy~ hopefully i can get my license soon~ so i can drive out for lunch with her~ lol~ den my boss will kill the two of us too~ haha~
damn broke now lor! wah lau~ den still gng HK in july~ dunno where to find the money to go shopping liao~ y all my expenses clash tgt~?~ haiz~~~~
I’m learning driving…~!~!~!~
1st lesson was like sooooooo…. boring~ gng round the circuit….
After dat second lesson i go the opposite direction… den lei~ after an hour in the circuit… my instructor say~ if i can manage to keep the car in the centre of the lane, stop in the yellow box, and brake in time… den he’ll bring mi out to the road….
and I managed to do it~!~!~ yeah~ so happy~ den i went out on the road… my instructor told mi~ have to drive at 40km/h…. ohz… like a bit fast for mi~ but i know its supposed to be damn slow la~ lol
so happy…. like playing games~ lol….
daddy says after i get license~ i wun be so happy driving…. i’ll curse and swear wen pple ask mi to drive dem or pick dem up… haha~ i understand dat veri well….
so meanwhile~ i’m still enjoying the excitement of learning something new~… finalli~ something new for mi to learn~ if not~ life is juz so boring~….
fyi broke up again~ sad thing this time is not that he dun love mi~ not that he has another gal~
but his parents dun like mi~ and tink i’m not suitable to be their DIL~ and gave my EX bf the tinking that i’m thus not suitable to be his wife~
Sadder thing is~ wen two persons realli love each other~ but cannot be tgt because of these STUPID external reasons~
But no matter how stupid it is~ how stupid the reasons are~ i still have to put up with it~ and as the usual practice is~ i will onli allow one word as the ending~ REGRET~ regret~ not for mi~ but for the ones who gave up on mi~
Don’t say I love you
If you never meant what you say.
Don’t hold my hand
If you plan to let go one day.
Don’t say you will always be there for me
If you ever plan to leave.
Don’t make me fall deeply in love with you
If you never meant to catch my fall.
Don’t give me empty promises of love
If you will never fulfill them.
Don’t break my heart
If you are not there to pick it up.
~~~~~
Love begins with a smile
Grows with a kiss
Ends with a tear.
I went through my profile juz now…. recalled the feeling of HURT~
how hard for mi to stand up each time i fell down~
how naive i used to be….. i shld have known the ending right from the start.
A tear~ is how everything will end….
recalled how every relationship will end~ haiz….
recently got back the same feelings~ i was so scared…
I dunno if its the love that is getting stronger~ or i’m getting weaker~
i juz cannot let go~ the pain is like someone wrenching my heart…
cannot eat, cannot slp, cannot work~ and the pain seems to be so much more unbearable…
